Online Dating Rant

One of my favorite things to do when I'm sick is veg on Catfish: The TV Show. It's actually a gross obsession of mine. I get so into it that I sound like my uncle watching a football game but I cannot help it, it's literally my favorite thing. Why?

That is the question I ask every single time. Why, you guys? Do they not SEE the other episodes? How can dating someone you met in an online game chat room six years ago make any sense? I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but by twenty-five minutes in I'm flabbergasted. Every. Single. Time.

Then I remember: they have to have seen the show because they've auditioned to be on this show. Then I wonder, "what in the world makes them think their story will be any different? Especially when it is the exact same story just with different characters?"

I guess they have way more faith in good karma than I do. Granted, I've haven't been in a yahoo chat room since I was twelve, but just from what I've seen on Tinder I know better than to believe in online love. Not just from Catfish, but from you know uh, To Catch A Predator on dateline. 

So inquisitive me sits there yelling at the girl telling Max & Nev through her computer camera about how she met this special guy on Twitter and they direct messages each other for six years and how can it not be the real thing after all of that time, blah blah blah. I try to figure numbers in my brain. Is it possible that online years have some conversion to regular human years? Maybe they are kind of like dog years? But this girl or guy telling their lost love sob story slowly goes into "well, I feel like there is something they haven't been telling me, or have been keeping from me for a while because we NEVER talk on the phone, he ONLY sends me screen shots, [or even better] I've only EVER seen his social media profile picture"... 

YOU. GUYS. I do not care how old you are, alright? I am a twenty-something and I know better than this. You cannot look to the Internet for true love. There has never been a love story worth anything that starts with: "once upon a time there was a lovely girl named PrInce$s422 and a handsome gent named Lil PrEeZy84 that just happened to stumble upon each other in _______ chat room one lovely day [that they should have been spending outside]." No one would even buy that book. No one would make it into a movie. That is because collectively we all know it's a bad idea.

We are all people that want love in the end. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to feel that connection with another human being. I also know that weeding out the ones that make you roll your eyes and heave is a brutal task that takes a majority of your years to complete. I suppose now with all the new specific online dating sites that they have now (that cost a monthly fee so recognize that someone has seen all people desperate to find love as a substantial source of income...) it's a little less overwhelming to find what you're looking for. For instance, Tinder is where girls and guys go to boost their self esteem by swiping to see how many people would swipe right and/or find you hot enough to hook up with on your first meet up. I've tried Tinder and where some girls have met NFL players or their current fiancé, I ended up with nothing but hilarious stories at my expense and a headache. 

I suppose one day if I get super tired of being single (not likely since I hate sharing my stuff) I can always try every other dating site in the world. Have you tried to count them all?! HAVE YOU?! The ones that get me are: Farmers Only, Black People Meet, Tinder, Sugar Daddy.com, the reverse of that being Cougar something... There is also one for specific one night stands but my gut tells me that site is crawling with STIs. Until that day comes though, I'm perfectly fine with meeting someone the old fashioned way. Through a friend of a friend, out one night grabbing a drink, saw them at work and found out they were new, etc. Unfortunately, it looks like if I keep that up I'll be the one that remains single since the new norm is going to be meeting your partner electronically instead of physically. So hey, call me old fashioned.

To my fabulous singles out there: if you feel lonely, look for ways to spoil and appreciate yourself before you go looking online for some version of a soulmate. There's only a 45% chance that it will work out period. The further away they are, the more ridiculous you look. 

To those of you that HAVE met your significant others online- good for you! You're the exception! Me though, I represent the rest of the world that has to follow the rules of dating because that movie/magic kind of stuff just does not happen. Watch He's Just Not That Into You and you'll get that reference. Kudos and hats off to those of you that met your spouse on Match.com or eHarmony- those two sites I'll definitely give some respect. The rest are just trash. 

So that's my opinion on online dating, you can take it, or put it in your back pocket and save to remember on a rainy day or you can ignore. Just remember, that when you're on Catfish meeting the 55 year old mechanic that is moonlighting as a 30 year old music artist that I told you so. 💁🏼💋

Until next time!

Xoxo Jess

Let's Talk Anout Kindness

MostOrdinary

Today we are going to talk about kindness. I will be starting with a story:
This morning I had a doctors appointment, while I was waiting to check in behind two other people an old woman and her daughter were behind me. They were chatting away about who knows what when another receptionist appeared. Now, I was right in the middle of the two but unmistakably next. Without even hesitating the old woman BEHIND me threw her checkbook down right next to me and inched next to my side to check in with the nurse.

Yeah. Yeeeeeah. This really happened.

Now don't come to me saying that I need to respect my elders because I DO. I will hold doors open, I will “sir” and “ma’am” them until the cows come home- but I will not WILL NOT tolerate rudeness no matter what your age is. Before you say anything in this woman's defense know this: when I looked at the checkbook and then back to her signaling that I was aware of what she was attempting she REFUSED to make eye contact with me. Which looks so awkward anyway because I'm legit RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, IN FRONT OF WHERE YOU NEED TO BE.

-deep breath in- deep breath out-

Well one of the women behind the desk saw what happened and told me she would just check me in and I could sit down. I thanked her and smiled at the old chick (NOT a snotty smile I promise until what happened next…) and sat in one of the waiting area chairs. Well lo and behold she and her daughter picked the chairs across from me and I started to feel like someone was watching me. Someone was! Not God. This olden- who was not only WATCHING me but giving me looks like I shot her cat.
Did I know who she was? I sure did not.

I only had to sit for a few minutes of discomfort before I was called to my room, but it really tightened my gears that it had happened.

Look guys, life is short okay? I have no time for haters old or newborn (babies love me though so I don't have to worry about that). I get that there could be something about me that you don't like and I’M okay with that. There are too many people on this earth and you don't HAVE to like everyone. That being said, that DOES NOT give you the right to be without civility. I will be the kindest I can to anyone that is rude to me up to a point. Why openly dislike someone so much that you make them uncomfortable? Does that feel good to you? Does that actually make you happy? If so:
1. That's way unfortunate… Like waaaaaaaaaay unfortunate
2. That's embarrassing… Since we are all put on this earth the same way…
3. You need a new hobby. Idea: instead of making people uncomfortable how about you take up knitting? Maybe running? Anything that makes you less of a douche? Hmm…
4. Realize that underneath the words and skin colors and tattoos and crazy hair we are all the same. I didn't crawl out from a swamp, and you didn't drop from the sky. Angels did not bring you to your mothers doorstep, in fact 8 hours of labor and lightening bolt style contractions did so…

I know there has been so much going on in the world about love and hate. I am constantly stating the same thing over and over, “retrain your brain.” It's not an easy thing to do but acceptance is the best way to start.

Part of the way to do this is cut all the negativity out of your life- I'm so serious. It sounds impossible but it's actually so easy. Any time there is a post about racial or sexual intolerance I unfriend that person. I don't need that in my life.

Spoiler alert: neither do you

I don't go places where I know I'll run into people that make me uncomfortable and where I may hear something super offensive.
Nor do I go to parties or gatherings if there are going to be people there that I don't like. That's so silly! Walking into a place that hosts people I don't want to see… Why? Why would anyone do that?! Do you think you're making someone happy?

Well here is a tip: be selfish. It's okay. Say no.

Start surrounding yourself with people who care about you. There is such a difference between people that take comfort in your presence and those that enjoy it. You don't need to go with someone that only asks if you'll come out to be the sober driver, or because you'll bring cool people. When people genuinely want to go on adventures with you it won't just be on weekends it will be any time, and it'll be great.

Find your inner child. This is a huge step in retraining your brain. Find the child that you have lost through years of wear and tear on your soul. That childlike innocence that we all still want to have towards some aspects of life is still in there. You have just got to find it. But how?

Best part ACT LIKE A KID

Now please don't run into the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese and tackle a bunch of kids because you ARE actually an adult and there ARE serious consequences for that. You can hike, climb trees, swing on a swing set, color in a coloring book, do arts and crafts, dance around like a freak to loud music do anything that makes you laugh and happy. Your inner child is part of YOU and in order to take care of yourself, your inner child must be fed.

Once you start finding your peace and joy it is so easy to retrain your brain. You will want to radiate kindness instead of harboring hatred and anger and resentment. Where you wanted to lash out at someone, you'll find yourself thinking “they must be having a bad day, I hope it gets better!” When I deal with rude old women or young girls for whatever reason they have against me I just say inside, “that's okay, people love me and I don't know them so their opinion doesn't matter.”

This week try and be kind and understanding. Yeah sometimes I want to start an old fashioned flaming torch mob too but it's way too much energy. Instead, take a deep breath and think “hey man, it's cool. We don't know each other at all it's okay not to like me.” Because there are TONS of people that do and will not hesitate to tell you!

Til Next Week Kittens!
Xoxo Jess