One of my favorite things to do when I'm sick is veg on Catfish: The TV Show. It's actually a gross obsession of mine. I get so into it that I sound like my uncle watching a football game but I cannot help it, it's literally my favorite thing. Why?
That is the question I ask every single time. Why, you guys? Do they not SEE the other episodes? How can dating someone you met in an online game chat room six years ago make any sense? I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but by twenty-five minutes in I'm flabbergasted. Every. Single. Time.
Then I remember: they have to have seen the show because they've auditioned to be on this show. Then I wonder, "what in the world makes them think their story will be any different? Especially when it is the exact same story just with different characters?"
I guess they have way more faith in good karma than I do. Granted, I've haven't been in a yahoo chat room since I was twelve, but just from what I've seen on Tinder I know better than to believe in online love. Not just from Catfish, but from you know uh, To Catch A Predator on dateline.
So inquisitive me sits there yelling at the girl telling Max & Nev through her computer camera about how she met this special guy on Twitter and they direct messages each other for six years and how can it not be the real thing after all of that time, blah blah blah. I try to figure numbers in my brain. Is it possible that online years have some conversion to regular human years? Maybe they are kind of like dog years? But this girl or guy telling their lost love sob story slowly goes into "well, I feel like there is something they haven't been telling me, or have been keeping from me for a while because we NEVER talk on the phone, he ONLY sends me screen shots, [or even better] I've only EVER seen his social media profile picture"...
YOU. GUYS. I do not care how old you are, alright? I am a twenty-something and I know better than this. You cannot look to the Internet for true love. There has never been a love story worth anything that starts with: "once upon a time there was a lovely girl named PrInce$s422 and a handsome gent named Lil PrEeZy84 that just happened to stumble upon each other in _______ chat room one lovely day [that they should have been spending outside]." No one would even buy that book. No one would make it into a movie. That is because collectively we all know it's a bad idea.
We are all people that want love in the end. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to feel that connection with another human being. I also know that weeding out the ones that make you roll your eyes and heave is a brutal task that takes a majority of your years to complete. I suppose now with all the new specific online dating sites that they have now (that cost a monthly fee so recognize that someone has seen all people desperate to find love as a substantial source of income...) it's a little less overwhelming to find what you're looking for. For instance, Tinder is where girls and guys go to boost their self esteem by swiping to see how many people would swipe right and/or find you hot enough to hook up with on your first meet up. I've tried Tinder and where some girls have met NFL players or their current fiancé, I ended up with nothing but hilarious stories at my expense and a headache.
I suppose one day if I get super tired of being single (not likely since I hate sharing my stuff) I can always try every other dating site in the world. Have you tried to count them all?! HAVE YOU?! The ones that get me are: Farmers Only, Black People Meet, Tinder, Sugar Daddy.com, the reverse of that being Cougar something... There is also one for specific one night stands but my gut tells me that site is crawling with STIs. Until that day comes though, I'm perfectly fine with meeting someone the old fashioned way. Through a friend of a friend, out one night grabbing a drink, saw them at work and found out they were new, etc. Unfortunately, it looks like if I keep that up I'll be the one that remains single since the new norm is going to be meeting your partner electronically instead of physically. So hey, call me old fashioned.
To my fabulous singles out there: if you feel lonely, look for ways to spoil and appreciate yourself before you go looking online for some version of a soulmate. There's only a 45% chance that it will work out period. The further away they are, the more ridiculous you look.
To those of you that HAVE met your significant others online- good for you! You're the exception! Me though, I represent the rest of the world that has to follow the rules of dating because that movie/magic kind of stuff just does not happen. Watch He's Just Not That Into You and you'll get that reference. Kudos and hats off to those of you that met your spouse on Match.com or eHarmony- those two sites I'll definitely give some respect. The rest are just trash.
So that's my opinion on online dating, you can take it, or put it in your back pocket and save to remember on a rainy day or you can ignore. Just remember, that when you're on Catfish meeting the 55 year old mechanic that is moonlighting as a 30 year old music artist that I told you so. 💁🏼💋
Until next time!
Xoxo Jess
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