Dealing with Breakups

Alright, it happened. Your special person ambushed you from left field and made the decision they don't want to be with you anymore. Boom.

A breakup.

They are the WORST. What is even worse than that is that there is always a 50/50 chance that it'll happen once you start relationship-ing with someone.

Yikes.

The good news is that you can't actually die on site from a broken heart, but it doesn't make it suck less. I have a few helpful tips on surviving the hardest parts in the realist way possible.

1. Give yourself 72 hours to wallow in self pity. 

Let your friends text you, let life pass, but I'm not even kidding spend 3 days crying into your empty pasta carry out container from your first date. Listen to love songs on the radio or on your phone. You're not going to want to talk about it just yet and that's okay too.

But when you are ready...

2. Stay away from social media. 

Because regardless of how much time passes in the beginning, you will always want to see how your ex is doing, if they are dating, what they are eating, where they are, why they aren't contacting you, if somehow they got shipped out to a solitary island, etc. 

Trust me when I say that eventually the urge to see how they are doing without you goes way away. It'll take a while but you'll stop caring and start crafting or working out or sleeping more often.

Also, stay away from taking to social media to vent. NO ONE CARES about your 20 page status about how "you guess it wasn't what I thought it was going to be. Glad I put in all this time for nothing." Or "everybody hurts, so here I am broken hearted." No need. When you change your relationship status it's assumed that you are not going to be loving it too incredibly much. The people that care about you will already be there by your side.

3. Getting wasted doesn't help

But don't worry about it. If you don't believe me, the hangovers and regret will prove my point. Blacking out and going crazy will actually do the opposite. You'll end up calling your ex 9,000 times asking for answers that you'll never get over phone calls that you'll never remember. Take it from me: no.

4. Don't. Sex. Your. Ex.

I need to understand the logic behind the idea that in order to prove that you don't care about someone or that you're over them that you should partake in the ultimate act of intimacy... Boning isn't for bros and it's definitely not a good idea for you and your ex. I'm sure you miss the comfort and their arms and the familiarity of that one person but guess what you're doing? Prolonging the hurt. So cut it out. Close up the shop.

5. Careful when shopping

Unless you have control over emotional spending I'd advice just to not. Day four of the emotional rollercoaster go out and treat yourself. Set a limit though. Either splurge on one item or buy a few items but end at the same total. You'll need funds to live remember and you can't take up residence in that Chanel quilted cross body bag. Also, you can't eat 7 foam Marc Jacobs phone cases. You'll choke, let's be real.

6. Exercise

Because you're doing something and it's something positive which is great! Exercise is so good for emotional and mental health and clarity. Dedicate time to yourself so you can be a part of it! 

7. Have a GNO

If you are newly single and aren't spending a ridiculous amount of time with your girls then you're doing this all wrong. It's been a month or two, throw on that LBD and go get sushi and cocktails. You can also have a Girls Night In where you dress up in footie pajamas and binge watch Hulu plus. Drink wine and bake stuff at these events. Either way, you need to be leaning on your femme peeps.

8. Don't text "why?" Questions to your Ex

You will never get the answer that you want to hear ever. Sorry to be blunt but the only thing texting them multiple times asking for answers is going to do is drive you bat shit crazy and make you look even crazier. Eliminate from your mind that anything positive will come of it. You may as well catapult yourself back to step 1. Think about the fact that if you ask them why they broke your heart and they reply with, "because you kiss weird and snore and OH MY GOD the way you talk about _______ is so annoying. I couldn't take another second of your laugh and the new blonde at work is really hot."

Yeah, that'll make you feel SO much better.

9. Focus on dating yourself

You need to know you. You are much more than you and your significant. Don't hop into a relationship one right after the next or how do you expect to grow? At first it is scary to be alone if you're not used to it but (as cliche as it sounds) it makes you so much stronger. You will have more confidence in setting goals for yourself and boundaries in your relationships to come. At the end of the day you are and should be your number one priority, point blank.

10. Don't rush

Some people hate being single. Me personally, I like it because I don't have to share my bed. My helpful tip for the people not like me is to buy a body pillow. You don't need another human to keep you warm. That is so unnecessary. Unless you are stranded in the freezing wilderness and are in desperate need of body heat to survive YOU ARE FINE.

Don't hesitate to be selfish with your time. You finally have some hours back that you were lacking before. Don't feel guilty for making your personal goals the number one priority. The more established you become with yourself the happier you will be in relationships to come.

Hopefully these help just a smidge! Hang in there kittens in romantic crisis, everything will be okay.

Xoxo

Jess